Hello from Heaven
Currently reading:
Tune in Tomorrow by Randee Dawn
Out There Screaming, edited by Jordan Peele
An American Sunrise by Joy Harjo
In Defense of Dabbling by Karen Walrond [audiobook]
Books finished this week: 1
★★☆☆☆
Where this book came from: Pre-ordered from Kew & Willow.
Why this book: I don’t remember how we started talking about this book or who found it first, but we started talking about Murder Bimbo at work one day and I knew she would have to be mine.
Thoughts: Between the title and the synopsis, I was expecting something a little more . . . I don’t know, fun? I figured it would be angry and feminist and violent, and that it would deal with a lot of heavy topics, but I also assumed it would be the kind of book that makes you laugh, cry, and squirm in disgust in equal measure. In my opinion, Murder Bimbo was not that——mostly because I walked away from it not feeling much at all? There are three acts in the book, and I was all-in on Act I and definitely intrigued by Act II. Act III lost me. The emotional spark that had kept me reading for the first two-thirds was just gone, and there was so much left unexplored. I had very high hopes for this one, but was ultimately left feeling mostly empty.
Library updates:
Figured I should let you all know that I’m feeling much better than last week! Also I only just realized how cryptic the title of this one sounds out of context. Sorry!!
Anyhow, I was lucky enough to have some restorative friend time over last weekend that set me up for a better week, and I’m very thankful to have beaten back the specter of anxiety once more. May we one day live in predictable harmony.
The title of this missive refers to an archangel card I pulled this past Monday, which I wanted to talk about it some more here. Monday was my gran’s birthday; she would have been 91 this year, if we hadn’t lost her back in the summer of 2018. I did a lot of reading about grief back then, and again last year, when I lost my cat, and it seems like most of the literature boils down to the fact that grief is weird, and can be crippling or can manifest in any way, at any time. I felt a little sad on Monday, for sure, but I also decided to take time to pull some cards to ask for any messages that my gran might like to channel through them, and to journal on how I was feeling and what the cards had to say.
Yes, I’m letting my woo-woo flag fly. I’m not religious and don’t even consider myself spiritual, but as I’ve talked about now and again in previous Sunday Missives, I do find a lot of comfort in pulling cards when I feel overwhelmed or just in need of guidance or reassurance. Plus, I really enjoyed what I learned about tarot last fall. My usual routine is, once every few weeks, to pull an archangel card, a Literary Witches card, and, now, a tarot card.
Again, religion is not my jam. I don’t think about it all that much, but when I do, I call myself agnostic——I don’t know what’s out there and I’m not ruling anything out yet. So I know it sounds weird that I put so much stock in archangel cards. But my friend Alyssa——hi, Alyssa!——got them for me for a birthday many years ago, and I rediscovered them two or three years ago and have found them very helpful. I don’t necessarily call on Michael and Gabriel or whoever else might be up there, but I do take comfort in the idea that the universe is somehow making sense of what’s going on in my life and is kind enough to pass along some hints now and then.
Anyhow, I always ask my decks for any thoughts, guidance, advice, or wisdom they want to pass along, or anything they think I should know for the day/week/month/year (depending on when I’m asking and how lost I’m feeling at the time). Basically, what should I keep in mind going forward? On Monday, I also asked the cards if Gran was nearby and had anything she wanted to pass along.
I turned over the “Hello from Heaven” card from the archangel deck.
Listen. I’m not religious; I’m not spiritual. But that was fucking weird. (I said that out loud when I turned over the card, and then immediately apologized to my gran, though I’m sure she would just laugh.) I had to hop on a therapy call, of all things, right after revealing that first card, but I felt happy (and somewhat confused) tears pricking my eyes. It felt too good to be true. It felt strange. It felt like reassurance and grief and things making sense, and like someone——or all of heaven (Heaven, capitalized?), or maybe even the whole damn universe——was looking out for me.
It was probably just a lovely coincidence. But it felt like love.
Closing thoughts:
Embrace the support and guidance you’re offered, however they appear in your life.
